6 Things That Characterize Toxic Parents

What happens when the people who are supposed to protect and take care of you end up hurting you and making you feel bad? What are the characteristics of toxic parents?

Some parents do far more serious things than small mistakes, and instead exhibit harmful behaviors that affect the mental growth of their children. It is not that they leave them or neglect them, but sometimes the way they interact with them and exercise their authority as parents is simply inappropriate.

No one is born to be a parent

Of course, no one is born with a parenting guide programmed into the brain. We all have to go through the first sleepless nights with the baby, not knowing how to deal with them or stop their crying. It is normal to be in doubt about whether you are doing the right thing and whether you are a good parent. The secret to good parenting is a healthy attachment, consideration, understanding and patience.

But not all parents follow that model. Toxic parents do the exact opposite and hinder the growth of their children. Let’s look at some examples.

If you are not the best, you do not exist

Some parents demand perfection from their children. They are extremely critical of them and want nothing more than to be the best in all areas. They are so demanding that their children begin to feel humbled, nervous and disappointed in themselves.

This form of parenting makes children very tense and nervous. In addition, the emotional damage they receive can be even greater if the parents constantly remind them of their mistakes. The extreme pressure prevents them from enjoying what they achieve.

Parents like this often plan their children’s future careers. It’s their way of controlling them. They force them to live the life they have built for them and do not let them make their own choices or follow their own path.

With me or with no one

These parents are exaggerated and compulsively protective. They do not let their children go to their friends’ birthdays or to the cinema because they are afraid that something will happen to them.

They are afraid of being alone, so they do not allow their children to have something similar to independence. This does not mean that it would be better for the children to do everything they want, but too much control is as harmful as too much freedom.

Children must grow up to become increasingly independent as they grow older. It is important to let them do things outside the home. But indulgent parents make them feel guilty because they want to be with other people. Naturally, the situation only gets worse with teens, especially when they start making new friends and relationships.

I challenge you to be better than me

As difficult as it may be to understand, some parents are competing with their children. For example, it is common to see rivalry between mothers and daughters over physical appearance, or fathers making fun of their sons because they are better than them in sports.

These parents usually had some dreams of their own broken in childhood, or had parents who did the same to them. Therefore , they release the frustration they have accumulated over time by letting it spread to the children. They blame them for their own misfortune, which is a rather harmful way to release anger.

Give me what I want

Another example of toxic parents are those who adopt a manipulative attitude, consciously or not.  For example, they say things like,  “no one is going to take care of you the way I do”  or  “do not go out tonight, you know how nervous your mother is, and you do not want me to end up in the hospital, will you right? ”

As experts in finding other people’s weaknesses, they believe that they have the power and the right to get what they want, even at the expense of their own children. They exploit the innocence of childhood to get them to do what they want.

Love me as if I have never hurt you

We often emphasize the importance of a healthy connection in the first years of life. The bond that develops between a child and the parents, and other important people in their lives, will determine much of their further development.

So if parents deny their children care, do not show them that they care, or simply do not have an emotional bond with them, the consequences can be very serious. Family dynamics should be based on love and trust. Otherwise, the child’s future relationship may suffer.

The behavior of toxic parents

We must also not forget that children learn through imitation. Therefore , they easily pick up all the habits, customs and behaviors that they see in adults. Be careful what you show your children, either in word or deed. They absorb everything, and when they do, it is difficult to reverse it. Parents are role models for the children, and unfortunately this also applies to toxic parents.

In the same way, we have the power to teach them healthy habits – to give them healthy food, exercise often, avoid alcohol and other substances, sleep at the right time, etc. If these habits are not integrated from an early age, it is much more difficult. to do so when they have already become accustomed to other routines.

Of course, each family has its own challenges, but there is no excuse for harming your children. Toxic parents do not seem to be aware that they are raising their children incorrectly or causing serious and potentially lasting harm, so the first step is to recognize it.