When Being Strong Is Not A Choice, But The Only Solution
Sometimes life is hard. That’s when being strong is your only choice. You pick up your armor and your sword, behave in an intelligent way and pick up the energy you have hidden in your heart . But, sooner or later, you will collapse.
When we read a classic, we know when fate takes over. When we read Virgil, Shakespeare or Dickens, we wait for that moment. As experienced readers, we know how to predict betrayal, traps, mistakes or tragedies.
But in our ordinary lives we almost never predict that natural life will take revenge on us. When we move in a straight line towards our dreams, we do not expect fate to have another plan: to open a trapdoor under our feet and whisper ” now you have to wait, your dreams are put on hold.”
No one explained to us what adversity is. In fact, it only emerges itself, as a teacher. For many of us, we were promised that those who try hard will be rewarded. That if you love others they will not leave you. That if you trust people, good things will happen.
But life is often a poorly calibrated compass, one that fails when pointing north. Instead, it points us down the longest and most difficult path… where being strong is the only solution.
Being strong exposes you to a greater risk of becoming depressed
Self-help books and articles on personal growth are obsessed with teaching us what the 10 or 12 or 100 characteristics of “strong” people are. It is the misconception that weakness or vulnerability leads to mental illness. According to this mindset, being “mentally strong” will help us prevent anxiety and depression.
It’s not that simple. In fact, people who are used to being strong are most at risk for developing depression. For example, think of those who care for their dependent relatives.
Think of the parents who have a spouse who is unemployed and has to bear the weight of the family bonds. Think of the people who work with abused women, orphans and those who have been marginalized.
Being strong for other people can be difficult. We want to be the best version of ourselves and give them the security, confidence, hope and optimism they need. But we do not notice that we only play a role most of the time. We believe it then: it is self-deception.
If being strong is your only solution, accept your vulnerability
Everyone knows that. The story of our lives includes challenges we never asked for, tragedies and things that test our values. But, even though we may see ourselves as heroes because we can do anything and hold on to our complaints and tears, there is something we do not see: we neglect ourselves.
If being strong is your only choice, accept your vulnerability. Vulnerability does not mean weakness. In fact, it is acknowledging that we must stop and breathe. Being strong does not mean that you ignore anger or that you forgive so much that you lose your dignity. Being strong also does not mean that you impose your own perspective on others, that you try to control everything.
In reality, hiding from the world is what makes us weak. If we worry about maintaining the external in order to appear strong, we will widen the gap between what we are and what we show.
Therefore, a secret behind resilience is to be real all the time. Because you can seem strong, but at the same time you have to ask for help when you need it. Because working with people is smart.
