Meeting The Consequences

We have all met people who gave us expectations, who committed to something, and then they did not show up. You see it in pairs when one of the two disappears and the other does not know what to think. Facing the consequences is difficult for these people. You also see it in business and at work, when you agree to invest time in something, and the other person does not respect the agreement.

Avoiding consequences and responsibilities is some people’s style. They create conflict and then they leave. Later, when it’s time to hand out responsibilities, it’s hard to find them. This is also how criminals behave. They want the benefit, but they are not willing to pay the price for the risk they take.

This type of behavior is harmful to those who are the recipient. It is very disturbing. You can spend a lot of time trying to solve the puzzle of why someone would act this way. It is possible that you will eventually end up not trusting anyone and that you will be full of self-blame. Fortunately, we have the power to stop this from happening.

Avoiding consequences is due to shame and cynicism

Those who do not dare to face the consequences, know or have a feeling that they have done something wrong. In addition, they know at some level that the end does not justify their means. In other words, the reasons why they had to act in a negative way are not valid. They lack weight, logic, honesty and consideration for others. They are aware that their actions and motives were negative.

They act consciously against ethics and values. At the same time, there is ambiguity : they are not willing to admit to others that their behavior is unacceptable. They will not say that they made a mistake. They have an embarrassed attitude.

However, this attitude also shows a lack of shame. Avoiding consequences is a way of resolving something by ignoring the other person and denying them the consideration they deserve. People who behave in this way make others believe that they are not interested in fixing the damage. They show some contempt for the other person (“it does not have much to say”). They want the victim to deal with the consequences and accept that they can do nothing about it. In this sense, avoiding consequences is also a form of cynicism. They are aware of their bad behavior, and they leave the victim to fix the problem in any way they can.

Inability to take responsibility

Avoiding consequences is a clear sign of a lack of responsibility. Society is built on implicit and explicit collective agreements. Laws, religion and ideology are some of the ways to communicate the significance of these agreements. They are necessary to live together in a group. We get benefits from others, and we have to offer something in return. This is the basic agreement.

Responsibility literally means the capacity to respond. It is something we begin to learn in our very first years of life. It means having an awareness of the obligations and bonds we have to other people. Some people manage to learn that responsibility is a personal and autonomous choice. You do not need someone looking over your shoulder to make sure you fulfill your part of the deal. You are not dependent on others to reward or punish you – Instead, you trust your own conscience.

Avoiding consequences means avoiding the obligation to be responsible for your actions. This attitude breaks commitments and, obviously, destroys trust as well. This type of behavior also shows a lack of independence. People who prefer to hide are prisoners of the reward and punishment framework. They act as they did when they were children, hiding when they do something wrong.

What should we do with those who avoid facing the consequences?

A person who does not want to take responsibility for their actions is going to do a lot of harm to other people. It can be very painful when someone hurts you and does not apologize. It can make you feel incredibly helpless. All in all, there is something similar to emotional deception.

This type of behavior is also a form of manipulation. Leaving someone else to solve a situation introduces another form of discomfort. The absence of the person who does not want to face the consequences actually creates and maintains ties to the situation. The conflict ends in an intermediate state and is drawn out. The negative emotions that arise are also drawn out.

When you are alone with the responsibility of closing a situation involving two or more people, you have no choice but to accept the challenge. It is best to get rid of the fantasy of getting the other person back, and to just take responsibility. This imagination is part of the network of manipulation. Let go of the person who will not face the consequences. Solve what you can and scroll to the next page. That’s the smartest thing to do.