The Ten Commandments To Deal With Conflict In The Relationship

Even if you want to get along with your partner 100% of the time, sooner or later a conflict will arise in the relationship. It is inevitable, not to mention healthy. Conflict is an opportunity for analysis and decision-making.

Some couples seem to argue all the time and jump from one conflict to the next, but they feel they love each other enough to stay together. Maybe the problem is that they have not learned how to handle a conflict in the relationship.

The Ten Commandments for Dealing with Conflict in a Relationship

There are some basic guidelines you should keep in mind when dealing with a conflict. These recommendations usually consist of common sense and are fair, but that does not mean that they come naturally to you.

In a relationship, it is easy to behave illogically. This often leads to unresolved conflicts. If you do not follow these guidelines, it is not certain that the “solution” you come up with will work for both parties.

Calm down before communicating or making decisions

Anger and impulsivity can quickly damage their relationship.

However, you can learn to be quiet and calm while you wait for the mind to pass. If you do this, you can avoid many negative consequences.

2. Doubt

There is not much that is certain in this life. It is therefore important to have a healthy skepticism when it comes to what you think is true. Do not automatically believe that your version of the story is correct.

Let your partner explain their cause, intention and actions. Open your mind and try to understand other points of view. Understanding is an investment with a very high return.

3. Talk honestly about your feelings to deal with conflict in the relationship

One of the ways you can handle conflict in a relationship is by focusing more on what you are feeling than what you are thinking. It is very liberating to talk about your feelings.

When you speak from the heart, you encourage understanding as well as strengthening the bond with your partner.

4. Avoid shouting and verbal abuse

Shouting and verbal abuse fuel conflict and disrespect. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to forget how harmful it can be, but it has serious, long-term consequences.

Shouting and being insensitive gives the other person the green light to do the same to you. Over time, this will push you apart and make you both angry.

5. Take responsibility for yourself

People tend to blame others for their own actions. It’s easy to blame your partner for the way you behave as if they control your behavior.

The better and more mature response is to take responsibility for the role you play in the conflict. Blaming the other person never solves the problem anyway.

6. Do not take on the role of victim

Taking on the role of victim never helps, especially when it comes to dealing with conflict in the relationship. When you take on the role of victim, it means that your partner becomes a tyrant. This erroneous dichotomy distorts the reality of the situation. Things are never so black and white.

The role of victim-tyrant gives one person imaginary powers and turns the other into a child. This only makes the situation even more confusing.

7. Listen in silence to deal with conflict in the relationship

When you are quiet, you can work on your inner dialogue. More importantly, a good and productive conversation requires silence.

Interrupting your partner will create a lot of excitement. It’s annoying and it shows that you want to impose your will on the conversation. Try to limit the number of objections and give the other person plenty of time to talk.

8. Focus on solutions

It is much easier to handle a conflict in the relationship when you both have a positive and constructive attitude. This can be the difference between having a productive discussion about possible solutions and making both people feel worse. If you focus on problem solving, the conflict will end sooner.

9. You can not go back in time

If one or both parties maintain an ongoing list of complaints, you will never move forward and handle the conflict properly. This is because you address past issues as a defense mechanism for something that is going on in the present.

You need a balance to deal with a conflict in the relationship, and clinging to old wounds will upset that balance.

10. Avoid threats to deal with conflict in the relationship

If your partner threatens to leave you or injure you, this is a psychological abuse. Such threats “work” at the moment to keep people in the relationship, but they are never a real solution.

Threats in the relationship mean that one person wins and the other loses, which is probably the worst outcome of a negotiation.

It is also important to let go of bitterness. Sometimes you forgive and sometimes you are forgiven in a relationship. Everyone makes mistakes and deserves an opportunity to do things right again and to say “sorry”.