Confident Conflict Resolution Techniques

Communication often does not go as planned. Misunderstandings and conflicts are common and can affect relationships and cause frustration. In this context, confident techniques are simple procedures that help you protect your own rights and avoid influencing other people.

If you learn and practice these simple techniques, they will eventually become part of your repertoire of natural responses. At first, they may feel a little fake, but that sensation will disappear with practice.

What is self-confidence?

Self-confidence is a style of communication that enables a person to express desires, needs and opinions without hurting the listener. This concept is easier to understand if you remember these three basic communication styles :

• Passive. In this case, the person is not able to express his opinions or defend his rights. They do not tend to disagree because they are afraid of confrontation. Their need to please someone often causes them to feel manipulated or misunderstood by other people.
• Aggressive. At the other end of the spectrum are people who communicate in a commanding way and do not show interest in another point of view. They try to impose their criteria and tend to use threats, accusations or anger.
• Confident. This style of communication is the best since it is characterized by the ability to disagree and express opinions while respecting other people’s views. People with good self-esteem often use this communication style. Confident communication is satisfying for everyone involved.

Confident techniques for resolving conflicts

Self-confidence is not an abstract concept. You can put it into practice in your relationships with others. You can use a basic sequence as you begin to approach a potential conflict:

• Start by stating specific facts instead of generalities. Instead of saying “you never spend time with me anymore”, try saying “we’ve only seen each other twice in the last few weeks”.
• Express how the situation makes you feel instead of blaming or noticing the other person. Saying “this makes me sad” is better than saying “you are selfish”.
• Make a concrete proposal. For example, “I want us to choose one day a week where we meet”.
• Explain how that plan will improve the situation. For example “that way we will have more time together and will not quarrel so much”.

Notch in the plate technique

This technique involves repeating your confirmation over and over again in a calm voice.

Dugging, one of several confident techniques

You can use this technique when the other person criticizes you or gives you advice with the intention of manipulating you.

In this case, the technique involves acknowledging that what they are saying is partly true, but holding the final decision in your hands:

Confident agreement technique

In this situation, you accept what you did wrong without being noticed. In other words, you reject the label that the other person marks you with, but you accept your mistake.

Ignoring

You can use this technique when the other person is too upset or angry. It means ignoring the reason for the quarrel.

These are some examples of several techniques that exist to be more confident in your daily life.

As you can see, the key is to keep your voice calm, steady and considerate. You avoid getting heated while still defending your point of view. With practice, self-confidence can become the most valuable tool for good communication.