Are You Dominated By Your Impulses?

Impulses come from your irrational, primitive side. It’s like trying to tame a wild beast. It may seem docile most of the time, but in certain situations it will act by nature. In these cases, it does not matter if what the beast does is beneficial or not. In short, impulses put your self-control to the test. Are you dominated by your impulses? Keep reading to find an explanation for them and get some strategies for learning to control them.

Dominant impulses are the main cause of many psychological problems. Addiction is an obvious example, but uncontrolled impulses are also characteristic of disorders such as bulimia and borderline personality disorder.

Problems controlling impulses can cause emotional tension that is difficult to get rid of. It is only when you immerse yourself in the impulse that you can experience relief from this tension. The relief you feel strengthens the impulse and makes it even harder to control. It is also fleeting, and as soon as it falls off, you are left with a deeper and depressing feeling: guilt and remorse.

In time, you will forget the terrible feelings and make the same mistake again. This desire for instant gratification eventually leads you to feel that you are not able to resist your impulses. You feel powerless against them. This can be a vicious circle that is difficult to get out of.

Where do impulses come from?

Researchers do not know exactly where impulses come from, but looking at people case by case provides some information about which scenario is most likely.

You can also learn to be impulsive through imitation. If you saw your parents deal with problems in an impulsive and impatient way, you will do the same. The good news is that you can learn to change these patterns.

Studies also show that a serotonin deficiency in the brain can predispose people to be impulsive. As a consequence, researchers believe that selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) may be effective for people with these disorders.

However, you must keep in mind that the effectiveness of these drugs is limited. SSRIs can help at first, but you will not learn alternative, functional behaviors. Other problems you may develop are a tolerance to the medication, as well as some side effects.

It seems that certain emotional wounds from childhood may also be partly responsible for your impulsive behavior as an adult. When researchers look into the past of people who are pathologically impulsive, they find certain voids in growing up, such as an absent parent or lack of affection or emotional regulation. People want to fill these “voids” as quickly and intensely as possible.

How can you handle your impulses?

Learning to control the impulses that dominate you is not an easy task. As we mentioned earlier, impulses are like wild animals, and we all know that taming a wild animal is not an easy task. It requires patience, willpower and perseverance.

With that said, it is unrealistic to think that you can control your impulses completely. Instead, you should celebrate the small victories along the way.

It’s time to think

The first step to freeing yourself from your impulses is to distance yourself from any situation that causes them to arise. When you take a step back, even just for a moment, you slow down your impulsivity.

Impulses do not last long, although they can be intense. This is something that can be to your advantage if you are aware of it. The longer you can resist acting on an impulse, the greater the chance that you will solve the problem correctly.

Mark your impulses

It is important that you put a mark on the impulse and recognize exactly what it is. Say to yourself: “It’s just another impulse, I do not have to do what it wants me to do”. The important thing is to separate it from who you are. See the impulse as an enemy attacking you instead of something that is a part of you.

Focus your five senses on something else

While waiting for the intense emotional moment to subside,  try other activities to distract your mind. For example, you can go buy something that is not related to your impulses.

This will force you to focus on what to buy, what to say to the person behind the counter, how much money you need, etc. These are simple things that will help you concentrate and make time go by. However, you need to make sure that you do not just swap one impulse with another. Leaving a situation of high conflict to, for example, go and smoke or drink is not healthy.

Think about your goals and the consequences

If I follow this impulse, what’s going to happen? Will I feel better? How long will this relief last? Will I be one of those who are unable to control themselves? Does this fit in with my beliefs and my values? If you are aware of the goals and values ​​of your life, but you discover that you are doing something you should not do, you are creating a cognitive dissonance.

This dissonance is an uncomfortable mental state, a kind of “I want to, but I should not” that you should try to avoid. Try to make sure that everything you do makes sense for who you are and the goals you have set.

Solve the problem (if there is one)

If the problem has a solution, it is not a bad idea to explore the options you can use to solve it. To do that, you may have to use some problem-solving techniques. If the problem comes from your mind and does not have a solution, mark it as such in your mind and try to ignore it.

Tolerates discomfort to control your impulses

Controlling your impulses undoubtedly involves dealing with a certain amount of tension that is uncomfortable to begin with. This discomfort is often the reason why people let their impulses control them.

The important thing is to control your impulses, even if it hurts and causes anxiety. Anxiety, or emotional distress, are just emotions caused by chemical reactions in the brain. However, they will not kill you or trigger disasters. When you learn to tolerate them, you will see how quickly they lose their intensity.

When your impulses dominate you, it is easy to fall into their trap. However, being aware of how it all works is a big step towards controlling your emotions. Once you know what is happening and what you should do, it will be most difficult to maintain this control. With a lot of patience and acceptance, you will be able to take control of your life and no longer be dominated by your impulses.