Does Your Parents’ Relationship Affect How You Choose A Partner?

Do your parents’ relationships really matter (as some say) to your future relationships? Experience will probably say yes. Science would say that if parents have a good relationship, then their children will probably also have healthy relationships. However, it does not necessarily happen the other way around. However, there are always exceptions.

It is important to remember that the first example of a romantic relationship and cohabitation that children see is parenting. This is another way a child’s environment can have a big influence on them. What they see affects them and can change or influence their actions even years later.

There are times when you hear people say things like, “They’re just kids, they have no idea what’s going on.” But that’s just not true, kids absorb everything. So the example they have in front of them will affect the relationship they start in the future.

Your parents’ relationship is present in your own

Your parents’ relationship can be very present in your own, without you even realizing it. For example, it may be one of the things that always makes you choose a particular type of person that does not really suit you well. If your parents’ relationship was full of ups and downs, you may have a tendency to look for someone who gives you stability. But sometimes the person who is best for you and your lifestyle is someone who is dynamic and spontaneous.

There are also times when children experience major events or become aware of important circumstances. We talk about things like mistrust, strong addiction, constant infidelity, or even abuse. We will give you a real example. That way, you can get an idea of ​​how much your parents’ relationship can affect how you choose a partner.

Laura had not turned 30 yet. She had already been in a few relationships, but they were all pretty bad. She never managed to figure out exactly what went wrong, though. In some cases, her partner was unfaithful. In others, they were too attached to their mothers. Laura decided to see a psychologist and tell them her story. The psychologist asked her to tell them about her parents’ relationship.

The relationship between Laura’s parents and how it affected her

The relationship between Laura’s parents was dramatic. Her father abused and manipulated her mother, as well as being unfaithful to her several times. Her mother submitted to him, she could not express her feelings, and she got stuck in the relationship because she said she still loved him. But the truth was, she was emotionally dependent. She felt lonely and abandoned all the time. But not just because of his partner, because of his family as well. They forced her to stay with him, instead of ending it.

Laura was never a submissive type of person. There had never been any abuse in her relationships. She did everything she never saw her parents do: she communicated with her partners, made sure they respected her, and never stayed with anyone who tried to push her down… Still, on top of everything we mentioned earlier, her partners were some times submissive. Other times, they were liars and did not communicate openly.

Laura’s relationship choice was strongly influenced by her experience with her mother. But even though she thought she was building healthy relationships, unlike her parents, she still could not see the root of the problem. It did not take long for her to find out.

The problem with Laura’s relationships was that there was a lack of commitment. Those she was with did not fully commit to her, or wondered about her, or had a strong connection to her mothers. What that meant was that she always came second. It was very similar to what had happened to her mother.

Choose a partner without any conditions

It can be an uncomfortable question that bothers you after hearing Laura’s story. Is it possible to choose a partner without your parents’ relationship conditioning you? The answer is yes, but you need to understand what the problem is to do this.

The best way to become aware of this is to look for patterns that emerge in your relationships. There may be a few issues with some common denominators. But if you have had four and had the same problems in all of them, you should definitely think about what we are talking about in this article.

If you are having trouble finding any patterns in your relationships, going to a relationship psychologist can be a great help. They will give you tools to increase your self-esteem and work through some of your insecurities. They will also help you look at the situation more objectively. That way, you can try to enrich your life through the person of your choice. It is a much better option than covering your needs or escaping the ghosts of your past.

Above all, a psychologist will help you become more aware of how to start a relationship. This is the real key, this is where most people fall back into old behavior patterns. Are your expectations usually too high? Do you go blind when you love someone? Are you starting to get hopeful too soon?

Once you have analyzed and reflected on these points, you can recognize where you are stumbling. That way, you will be much less likely to stumble upon the same place again. If you have opened your eyes, you will drop a relationship that does not suit you before it can hurt you. At the same time, identifying the condition you have received from the people in your life (not just in relationships) will help you make much better choices for yourself.