Empty Words – Do Not Ask Me To Do Something I Can Not
Do not ask me to calm down, because that’s exactly what I can not do. Do not push me into a corner, where I can not see the whole picture. Do not tell me I have to stop being sad, because there is very little I like about this situation. In fact, I can not even find a place where I can rest and breathe. Have you thought that it may not be a question of will? Do not bombard me with empty words. Trust me when I say I do not want to feel this way.
Please do not punish me for forgetting. I did not want to leave the light on or leave the door open, and I definitely did not want to give our groceries to anyone who would find them hanging on the restaurant chair. Scolding me will not help. I know it’s the first thing that comes to mind, but it does not help at all. Screaming at me makes no sense, you just make me more anxious and insecure. It will not help me to be less distracted, it will only make it worse for me when such things happen, because I know it makes you angry.
What I told you while I was actually thinking something else
Do not point out what I am trying to achieve either. My problem is not that I’m on the wrong path, it’s just that I can not find the path we both want to go.
Anxiety does not actually work that way. When you ask me not to be anxious, you are not helping me to calm down. Instead, everything just gets worse. Anxiety is stubborn, very stubborn, and it is nurtured by the helplessness you put on me with your critical, empty words. I’m sorry if this is hard for you to hear. Please do not get mad at me because I choose to be honest.
Do not remind me of what I told you to do. It makes me feel even less when you point out that I have not managed to complete it. Do not ask me to breathe underwater. I need to get to the surface to find the light. Combine your strength with mine, instead of measuring my strengths.
Our own language
If you listen to what I tell you, we can begin to use a language we both want to understand. We can build our own Tower of Babel and build intimacy with one another. More than just a tower, it will be a bridge that will help me share the circumstances and obstacles that seem insurmountable. Unaffordable to me, even if for others it is no more than a line on the floor. But do not tell me. Please, do not be that person.
Do not give me empty words. If you do not want to, if you can not, do not try to help me. Do not downplay my problems, so you will not have to talk about them anymore. If you have your own problems, I understand. Please do not pretend that your courtesy visits are genuine, like the ones we used to have, the ones that started with despair and ended with hope. The visits where there was nothing busy in the silence, because time was our least concern. If you are here to list yourself around the issues, there is no point.
Do not ask me how I feel in a message, especially when you really know that I’m not doing well. I will gladly lie to you, give you an implicit permission to move on to whatever it is you are heading for. Make dinner, watch your favorite series, reach your next appointment…
Do not say empty words
If you have nothing to say, then do not say anything. I do not get tired of shutting out the wind and noise from the traffic, mixed with the sound of children and birds during the short afternoons in the fall, or the long ones in the spring. When I say “do not ask me”, I am really trying to say that you should share what you want to share, but stay here, in the present.
It will help me. I prefer a few moments of open communication to a dozen visits spent staring out the window. Instead, let us recreate the time we lay outside, looking up at the sky and imagining that it was a huge blue blanket with small holes where the light shone through. Shhh. Do not talk, because at that time you said almost nothing. In fact, you said nothing, and nothing scared any of us.
