In My Heart I Command: From The Moment I Get Up Until I Go To Bed

Your heart should not have an owner, nor rented land or borrowed corners. Your heart belongs to you. It has only one ruler, and that is you. Thanks to your heart, your self-government will grow. It will pump enough self-love and oxygen for your self-esteem, to love fully. And that is what allows you to be able to desire without restrictions, to be the master of your paths and the architect of a dignified life.

Achieving this personal self-government is not an easy task. Especially when you are trying to integrate a sense of intimacy into your significant relationships. In fact, if you look at the most classic and traditional arrangement of romantic relationships, you will realize that independence and privacy have been declared incompatible.

You can influence your own destiny

No one is completely free from influence when it comes to deciding our fate and mapping a path. We are all under the influence of certain social, cultural and even ideological norms. To try to understand these influences, it is always a good idea to remember what the studies of individual psychology tell us.

You must make an effort to incorporate an authentic commitment to yourself into your cornerstones. Both your self-government and your capacity to decide what you want and do not want are basic principles of mental well-being. Your well-being deserves a part of your daily efforts. Your heart, understood as the metaphorical dimension where your emotions and even your identity are, is a universe in constant growth.

Let’s let it expand , so it’s its own master. But at the same time, your heart must remain humble and sensitive enough to know how to connect with the people around it in an authentic way. Because magic is in this balance.

You lose your autonomy in small everyday decisions

Saying goodbye to a professional project because your partner asked you to do it. To end the love of your life because your parents do not approve of your relationship. Changing your hobbies because your friends always have other plans. Giving up too early because no one supports your goals…

These are generic examples of what it means to threaten your own dignity, self-esteem and identity. It is important to take this into account. This type of sabotage does not just come from the people around you. In most cases , it often comes from yourself.

Do not blame others

We should not just blame those who want their reins and fences around us in an attempt to control us. We must take responsibility by understanding that we are the ones who give in and surrender to such prisons and trampling.

On the other hand, let us remember that those who pass the helm of their own lives to others do not do so in a punctual or spontaneous manner. The truth is that it is a daily practice that they voluntarily neglect. Like someone who decides to stop showering, grooming, brushing their hair or cutting their nails. It is part of our mental hygiene and a principle of emotional health that we expose and give away to others. And that’s wrong.

Our own dignity should not be affected by the hands of others. No one can (or should) sow the seeds of their selfish desires into our hearts or sell us goals that do not align with our values. Furthermore, it will have nothing to do with whether these hands that are so used to boycotting our identity are the hands of our romantic partner, our parents or our supposed best friend.

There are some territories that are private and that no one can step over. Taking care of the qualities associated with our being is something that concerns us . This is a daily hygiene task that cannot be overlooked at any time.

Breathe, count to 10 and restore your self-control in your heart

Dr. Carol D. Ryff, from the University of Pennsylvania, is one of the biggest exponents of positive psychology. Between 1989 and 1998 , she developed an interesting model of “psychological well-being”. That model continues to this day to be one of the most enriching contributions to personal growth. It has a lot to do with the health principle that we mentioned earlier.

We suggest that you start thinking about the main points to start working on your self-government, both the emotional and the mental.

The model of mental well-being we should all use

One of the most interesting points in Dr. Ryff’s approach is that which has to do with neuroscience. When something goes against our values, or when someone imposes their opinion on us or forces us to do something we do not like, our limbic system reacts immediately.

The cerebral structure related to emotions is like our voice of alarm. It is the interior that whispers to us “be careful, something is wrong”. Immediately stress and cortisol appear, and go through our blood. What would be ideal in these cases would be that we could recognize that feeling and only count to 10. And after that, that we act according to our real needs.

We know it’s not easy. But we can achieve this if we learn to integrate these principles of mental well-being into our lives little by little:

• Practice self-acceptance every day.
• Make it a priority to establish positive and enriching relationships with other people. If a particular relationship, whether it is a friendship or a romantic relationship, does not harmonize with these principles, consider making a change.
• Have a clear and objective purpose in your life. You should also, without a doubt, fight for it.
• Invest in your personal growth. Every moment is the right thing to do.
• Maintain good control over your reality. You are the one who leads, guides, decides, initiates, ends, delimits, and is the one who will be responsible for your own decisions.

To summarize, we are aware that these strategies cannot be achieved overnight. It requires willpower, courage and perseverance. But let us remember that if at any time you feel blocked or notice that you are losing your self-control, we must use the most classic remedy of all. Take a deep breath, count to 10 and REAGER. Because in our hearts we are the ones who make the rules.