Learning To Set Boundaries: Why Is It So Important?

Learning to set boundaries does not mean defending your opinions and perceptions at all costs. Nor does it mean being sincere at all times, not caring about what others think or feel.

To be specific, it means setting boundaries and letting people know what you need and what you want. This may be different from what they want and need. It means expressing what you want and what you do not want, but without forgetting the needs and desires of others, and pay attention to what people think and feel.

Edward T. Hall and Robert Sommer, pioneers in the study of personal space, argue that the area in which a person lives is more than just physical territory. It is a place where we feel mentally, physically and emotionally protected, a place of refuge where no one can attack us with comments or behavior.

However, studies have shown that it is common for these boundaries to be crossed in our daily lives. We do not always protect these borders, as we cannot prevent them from being invaded. Let’s look at what limits you and why it is so important to set boundaries.

What prevents you from setting boundaries?

What is it that keeps you from setting boundaries and saying no when you need to? Fear of rejection probably plays a crucial role here.

Let’s take an example, that your partner asks for help. However, you do not really feel like it or maybe you think it is not the right thing to do. Why do you end up doing it, even if it’s not what you want to do? Because you’re afraid that your relationship might get worse if you do not.

Sometimes you prioritize the needs of others over your own, and you feel guilty if you say no to others’ requests. You are afraid that they will think that you are a bad person, that you are not a good friend or that you are selfish.

These thoughts are often exaggerated. It is clear that you are not a bad person for not postponing your plans to do what they want you to do, or to prioritize your interests over them. Of course, you should not be “selfish” and always put your needs above other people’s. However, you should not always put the needs of others above yours. It’s a question of balance.

You probably will not set boundaries if you tend to take responsibility for everything and involve yourself in other people’s problems.

You probably have a hard time saying no because you tend to take responsibility for tasks that are not your responsibility at all. For example, helping others do their job when they could just as easily do it themselves, or trying to solve a friend’s problem when it’s really not up to you to do it.

Learning to set boundaries: Why is it important?

Get to know yourself

One of the benefits of setting boundaries has to do with getting to know yourself better. Setting boundaries requires that you become familiar with yourself and your needs. It means being aware of what you want and what you need at all times. Always ask yourself what you want, what you need and what makes you feel comfortable.

At the same time, setting boundaries will allow you to respect yourself more. As a result, others will respect you for the boundaries you set.

Learning to set boundaries: Benefits for self-esteem

Setting boundaries is likely to lead to a significant increase in your self-esteem. This will happen simply because you take into account your own needs and give yourself the space you need.

By feeling better about yourself and increasing your self-esteem, you lose the fear that people will see you for who you really are. You will finally be able to let go of the constant strain by seeing if something or someone is going to reveal or damage your vulnerability.

You can express your needs regardless of how others take it. Without feeling guilty for not doing what others expect you to do.

Healthy and balanced conditions

There is a way to relate to others in a healthy and balanced way. This without imbalance or inequality in what each person brings to the relationship.

You will be able to make it clear to others how you want them to communicate with you. This will give you a lot of personal satisfaction. This way, frustration and stress due to the absence of boundaries will no longer be a part of your relationship.

When you are able to respect your own boundaries and those of others, your relationships will become healthier and more stable over time. There will be mutual respect in your relationship, and neither of them will be invaded by the other.

Learning to set boundaries for other people will allow you to create and strengthen aspects of your own personal well-being. It will allow you to identify and refine your own needs so that you feel responsible for your choices. This will generate a sense of responsibility in the decisions you make in your life.