Self-destructive Behavior In Relationships

Romantic relationships usually involve a bond between two people. This ribbon is something you need to cultivate every day. This means spending a lot of time together, which can lead to conflicts. However, if one of the parties has a self-destructive behavior, it can end up ruining the relationship completely.

Dr. John Gottman is one of the proponents of the study of romantic relationships. After studying countless couples for years, he claims that  there are some clear patterns of self-destructive behavior that can accurately predict that a relationship will fail.

However, some conditions seem great. This is related to a number of specific ingredients and behavior patterns that can help predict how long a relationship will last and how good it will be. No matter what type of relationship it is, there must be respect, affection, trust and communication.

If you are in a relationship with these ingredients,  you will probably be happy in it. Even if you may have disagreements or quarrels once in a while, it will not affect the relationship much. However, if you feel that one of these ingredients is missing, you may want to try working on these aspects with your partner.

Self-destructive behavior in relationships

As we mentioned above, some self-destructive patterns of behavior can predict that a relationship will not last. In this article, we will talk about those that seem particularly relevant and that directly affect the pillars that keep a healthy relationship together: respect, affection, trust and communication.

Contempt

Feeling contempt for your partner means that you see them as less valuable than yourself. This can also lead to other behaviors such as humiliation, criticism, insult, and that you simply do not show your partner respect.

If someone  acts this way towards you quite often, the truth is unfortunately that they do not love you properly. In this case, you should ask yourself if it is worth staying in the relationship.

Ignorance and self-destructive behavior

This is one of the most self-destructive behaviors that exists. Ignoring your partner when you have a discussion means looking through your fingers at the fact that the person you seem to love needs communication and to feel supported.

Being ignored can make a person feel extremely humiliated. In the long run, this ends up affecting their self-esteem. They may even begin to think that they do not deserve their partner’s attention because they did something wrong.

To destroy the individuality of the other

If you are in a relationship with a partner who tells you who you need to be, what you should like, and who you should be friends with, among other things, they try to take away your individuality.

When you love someone, you  accept them for who they are. Thus, if your partner is trying to change you, they will not love you for real.

Dependence on others

It is important to be aware of behaviors related to dependence on others. Some people do not get out of a relationship because they feel they need the other person. They would rather be in constant criticism and indifference than be alone.

However, this will only reinforce the behavior of the other person, because they will see exactly how much the dependent person needs them. This is one of the most self-destructive behaviors out there, and it can be very devastating to the relationship.

To never make an effort

You should always be honest with your partner and be who you really are around them. However, there will also be moments when you have to give in a little. For example, if your partner wants you to go to an event with them, you can make an effort even if you do not really feel like going or you do not find it so interesting. Your partner should do the same for you. In this way you will both show that you love each other.

Self-destructive behavior: Why do you stay in toxic relationships?

People often find themselves in self-destructive behavior for far too long. However, you must remember that everyone makes mistakes once in a while, which is why it is wise to be both flexible and tolerant with your partner.

The problems  arise when this becomes a recurring problem and something that defines their relationship. Stop and think about how you would have drawn a picture of you together. Would you hold hands? Kiss? Quarrel? The image that pops into your mind will say a lot about what you really think about the relationship you are in.

If you notice even small signs of toxicity in your partner, you need to take a look at the pros and cons and be ready to get out of the relationship if it proves necessary.

Why is it so difficult to end relationships?

In most cases, people tend to end relationships because they are afraid of being alone. People tend to think that they will end up all alone,  even though there are many others who are there to support them.

We humans also tend to resort to certain thought patterns to trick ourselves into staying with our partner. Some common examples are: “I’m sure he / she will change” or “if I break up with him / her, he / she will definitely find someone better for him / her”.

You must try to ignore thoughts like this. They are just a product of your deep fear of being abandoned and of being alone.

The best thing you can do is stop deceiving yourself and instead look at things objectively. Observe the relationship. Once you have done that, you can try to make a specific decision on whether to stay in the relationship or end it.