The Importance Of Power Struggle In The Relationship

The celebrated classic saying goes like this: “After the storm comes silence.” But what happens when the storm represents the intoxication of happiness that the beginning of a relationship usually brings? Well, in that case, calm is the end of the adventure, and love hormones give way to conflict and power struggles.

Yet it does not have to be this way. In fact, according to Costa Rica psychologist Marianela Esquivel, relationship conflicts can be healthy. As long as both are aware of it, the triggers know, and do not let the snowball roll out of control.

The power struggle in relationships

Eventually, the newlywed feeling ends. When this happens, we go from surrendering all the way to the relationship, to looking for balance. We search for an equilibrium where we are sometimes the main priority.

The goal is to find stability and security that allows us to regain our independence (or at least part of it). This is an important time, and how it goes has a lot to say for the future of the relationship.

A time will come when every couple will end up in a power struggle. However, the couple’s maturity will determine how it plays out. That, and how much each party devotes to the relationship below the height of the newlyweds feeling. On the other hand, if both parties have the right emotional tools at hand, this emotional “war” will not be too exhausting.

Nevertheless, the confluence of internal forces tends to take place on many levels. There is an inherent need every person in a relationship has: self-affirmation. A certain self-centeredness comes out. If you are not aware of it and aware of it, it can lead to accusations in both directions.

It is important to recognize this dynamic, no matter how it plays out. That way, you can avoid blaming the other person for any relationship issues that come up. This way you can minimize the power struggle a little, and keep the foundation of the relationship intact.

How to recognize the symptoms of a power struggle?

The fact that you can identify a power struggle does not mean that you are capable of solving one. However, it is the first step. So take a closer look at your relationship and see if you recognize any of these symptoms:

• Wait and see if you both always want to be right. Pay attention to whether you hold on to your idea so much that you stop listening and refuse to see things from a different perspective.
• Make sure you do not just focus on your own interests and downplay your partner’s interests. Remember you are a team.

• Humans are not perfect, this means that we all get right sometimes, but also make some mistakes. Do not focus so much on the other person’s mistakes and in the process forget your own.
• Perfect couples do not exist. In other words, your partner was not an amazing person who has suddenly become a monster. Do not let their current disagreements lead you to idealize the past and demonize the present.

Can you reverse an intense power struggle?

The answer is definitely yes. In general, a power struggle is provoked by feelings of insecurity or inferiority. Still, feeling underestimated does not mean we have to overcompensate by acting as a superior party. Here are some interesting exercises that can fix situations like these.

• Try to cultivate friendship with your partner. Your better half is not just your girlfriend, he or she is also a teammate, a companion, a teammate. So before you get offended, try to be kind, tactful and polite. Pretend you’re talking to a friend, not a rival or an enemy.
• Forget about winning. Your relationship is not a competition. Look for things you have in common, not what separates you.
• Fight for the relationship, not just for yourself. If you take care of your better half, you also take care of yourself.
• Physical contact is important. It is intimate communication. It is also a source of infinite pleasure if you just have a little imagination.
• Ask for the opinions of others. Look for happiness with your partner by promoting reporting. Let go of the fear of rejection.

If we start putting these exercises into practice, the power struggle in the relationship will not hurt us. It will turn out that this phenomenon can actually be positive for the relationship. As a result, both parties feel valued and secure.