To Love Someone Else But Not Be Able To Leave Their Partner

Some people think it is easier to leave their partner than it is to be the one who is abandoned. But that is not true. There are some situations where it is almost impossible to leave your partner, even when you love someone else. These are times when guilt, a sense of commitment and emotional guilt (real or imagined) tend to prevent you from taking the step to make it end.

The thought of leaving your partner can sometimes be a dilemma that you will not find an answer to. You may be aware that the love between you is gone, but there may still be many other factors that prevent you from making a firm decision to end the relationship.

There is nothing positive about this situation. If you do not understand it in time and take the right steps, it can only lead to great confusion that affects everyone involved. It will also stop you from dealing with things in a healthy way.

Things that stop you from leaving your partner

Guilt is the most important thing that makes it difficult for people to leave their partner, even when they are in love with someone else. That feeling of guilt comes from the fact that they will not hurt this person who has given so much to their life. They know that a breakup will be painful for the other person, and they will not bear that burden.

Another common thing is doubt, which stops any decision. What is happening here is that you are afraid of what might happen in the future. Even if you are not in love with them anymore, you are not sure if it is better to keep something familiar or go for something new. Uncertainty plays a big role in this: “What if everything goes wrong, and I want us to stay together again, but it does not work?”

There are even times when you may want the new person to solve the problem. You hope that this other person with whom you already have a romantic relationship (formal or not), will start pushing you, insisting or “doing something” to make you leave your partner. Basically, what you want is to avoid the responsibilities that come with the decision.

Waiting too long to leave your partner…

The really problematic thing about not deciding whether to leave your partner is that it leads to very vague, disadvantageous situations. What often happens is that it sets in motion a small chain reaction of unconscious actions that ends up hurting people much more than just telling the truth early.

The most important ways in which this postponed decision manifests itself are:

• Psychological violence. Without realizing it, you can blame your current partner for existing, and not let yourself be with the other person you are interested in. This makes you see everything they do or say as a problem. You will begin to criticize their behavior more and treat them as if they are a disorder.

• Lies and betrayal. Guilt, indecision and fear can also lead you to a confusing mess of lies. You’re lying to your partner and your new romantic interest. You do this so that you do not have to suddenly leave your partner, nor do you lose the other person. It is a very immature way of postponing the inevitable.
• Passive-aggressive strategies. These involve vague attitudes such as being emotionally distanced or throwing out indirect accusations at your current partner. You act annoyed, but do not want to express it directly, because you are hiding the real conflict.
• Lays out clues. This means letting them discover what you are doing. You post some signs that the other person exists and that you are interested in them so that your partner can find them. That way, they will be the ones to end it.

The effects of not behaving mature

When you wait too long to leave your partner, it usually becomes painful for everyone. Your current partner will definitely have a feeling of breakup coming soon. They will try to understand what is wrong, but if you do not put your cards on the table, you will only fill them with anxiety, doubt and discomfort.

These are situations where your partner does not know what they are dealing with and does not have enough information to make decisions. It leads to a kind of subdued suffering, along with unfounded hopes and meaningless expectations. You do a lot more harm with such psychological games than you would if you were honest.

The new romantic interest will not come out unscathed either. They do not know if they should wait for you to fix things, or simply not wait any longer. They may also feel insecure and distrustful, which is not a good way to start a relationship.

Because of all this, waiting too long to leave your partner is really just a sign of selfishness and laziness. You want to avoid your own discomfort, but it comes at the expense of everyone else having to suffer. Ultimately, situations like this will probably also give you marks. Fear, indecision and lack of self-commitment always bother everyone.